What you do speaks so
loud that I cannot hear what you say. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A
dismissive shrug of the shoulders. An impatiently tapping finger. A child with
crossed legs, squirming like a centipede. These more or less involuntary
movements speak for themselves: I don’t care; hurry up already; I have to use
the bathroom right now.
If only
all nonverbal cues lacked subtlety. Then you’d never be stuck trying to discern
whether a prospect needs a little more handholding or more breathing room;
whether a client has one foot out the door or is eager to deepen your working
relationship. You’d win every Saturday night poker game.
Last issue,
we talked about the treasure trove of information hidden within facial
expressions and head positioning. This time, we’ll take you by the shoulder and
point your feet in the right direction.
Hands and arms make excellent
shields. Tightly crossed arms convey defensiveness, gripping a drink with
two hands creates a barrier between us and the person we’re speaking with, and
crossed arms with rigidly clamped hands shout “I am unsafe, unwilling, and
uncomfortable.” Nervousness inspires in us a desire to protect our most tender
parts, and so we clutch a briefcase to our chest, hunch forward when sitting,
or quite literally cup our hands over our genitals. (Unsurprisingly, the latter
is a distinctly male trait.) If you need a clearer picture of what hostile,
defensive posturing looks like, just ask the late stage, sadly belabored Richard Nixon.
True North of
Intention
Think
of legs and feet as the needle of a compass,
swinging toward the true north of interest and authority. If you notice
someone’s knees and toes aimed in your direction, chances are you’ve gotten
their attention. If you’re standing in a circle with people who have one foot
forward, chances are those feet are arrows pointed at the person perceived as
the group leader. And if you’re sitting face-to-face with someone whose toes
are trained on the door rather than on you, it might be time to rethink your
strategy before you lose their interest completely.
Power Poses
If your
goal is to increase your confidence and others’ confidence in you, take two
minutes and try a power pose. Power poses are stances that convey strength and
ease—standing with legs spread, palms on a tabletop, arms straight; leaning
back in a chair, hands behind head, feet up on the desk; or the classic Wonder
Woman: legs spread, chin up, and arms akimbo.
Dr. Amy
Cuddy of Harvard business school measured
the effects of holding a power pose for two minutes and discovered that, for
both men and women, testosterone levels rose 20% (think increased confidence
and assertiveness) and cortisol levels dropped almost 25% (think decreased
anxiety). Furthermore, she says, “Power posing also increases people's
tolerance for risk and pain, and their ability to think abstractly. This isn't
about what your body language is communicating to others; it's about what your
body language is communicating to you: your body language is changing your mind,
which changes your behavior, which changes your outcomes.”
As part
of her study,
Dr. Cuddy had subjects hold power poses for those two minutes, then put them
through simulated job interviews. The impartial judges, observing these
scenarios from outside the room, uniformly recommended hiring those
interviewees who had power posed over those who hadn’t. They cited, rather than
anything the participants said or their work experience, each subject’s
impressive presence.
Mirroring and
Matching
Hopefully, none of your prospects
want to take flight, but if they do you’ll be forewarned. Or, even better, take
notice of their disquiet and turn the situation around. One useful technique is
called mirroring, reflecting another person’s gestures and tone. Mirroring is
an amazing process that can foster powerful attunement if it’s practiced with
skill and awareness. (We’ll talk more about mirroring in future articles.) They
take a sip of water, or lean forward, and you do the same. If they are speaking
softly, or gesturing with their hands, so do you. And if they jump up and start
dancing the fandango, pull out your castanets and play along. You might just
close a deal.
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